*T minus 17 hours*
The Anthro final is in my hand. I have 17 hours before the paper is due... I have no idea how to start it.
No telephone, television, MSN, cellphone, distracting things... NADA. I'm going to cease to exist from the face of this Earth for 17 hours.
So until tomorrow morning... I'm locked into my cubicle of a room, chained to my sweatshop-like desk and reduced to eating microwavable foods. I'm aiming to get this paper done by midnight tonight though... (right).
Hasta manana. I MUST get this done by midnight...~

*Uh-oh*
My Anthro final is today... in about 16 hours. I have to make a decision as to whether I want to do it in class or as a take-home... I'm leaning towards writing the take-home version... but I know it's going to be tougher... but then, it'll give me more time to think about how I want to tackle the question... Grrrr.... CHOICES! I hate having choices sometimes. It was so much easier when you're in school, with a uniform and you're told what to do and when it's to be done by. I want my uniform! (Add wailing here).
I'm a little worried about Myrtle. She's not looking so hot. She's a little to prim and proper when it comes to feeding time. Yert's always taking these big huge munches on the food... and Myrt takes these itsy-bitsy little bites. By the time she's done with one pellet, Yert's already gone through at least 6 pellets... How can I toughen her up? I'm worried about my little ones... I wonder if I can get away with sticking them in my pocket and bring 'em on holiday with me? I'm so sure they'll have so much fun on the beach with me in Thailand... It'll be warm and nice... and they can play in the sand... Yeah... I'm starting to sound deranged.
I got a "good" on my SLA in the Classroom project - a "GOOD". I can't remember the last time I got a "good". This last project had better not drag my grade down... not that any of us have any idea as to how we're doing in class anyways...
TWO more days before I leave for Asia. I don't want to go! (more wailing here) Dave, Shawn, Michael and them are going to Coney Island for the hotdog eating contest! I want to go too! Maybe I'll miss my flight by accident... Uh... maybe not. I'll never hear the end of it from my 'rents.
Time to get crackin' with the reading again... I'm hungry too... Maybe I'll make some more guacamole... yum...~

Pretty much sums up the wedding... 

Sam and Kat's first dance... 

*Yes*
Yes. I'm listening to both Ashlee Simpson and Joni Mitchell simultaneously... I like the lyrics! (Yeah, I know I can't justify it in any way... so whatever).
The Ashlee Simpson lyrics mean something to me in two parts...

Part I
"It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels..."

Part II
"It's as if you know me
Better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell."

I'm confused. I don't know what Chris wants. Last week, he wanted to break up. This week, he wants me in Japan. I'm feeling very confused now...~

*I'm Baaack*
Pretty impressive. I got back into the city at 12:30pm and I still have time for a quick nap before heading out to class at 3:30.
After hanging out with Greg and his bunch this weekend, I realised that I do still love Toronto. Yes, it's definitely no New York, but the people there are so different. They seem so much more mellow but fun at the same time. Relationships between friends seem so much easier and laid-back. It was good to get out of the world that I've become accustomed to and back to a world from the past.
I left Toronto with mixed emotions. A part of me was dying to come back and finish up my degree and enjoy all that this city has to offer, but another part of me was longing to stay and breathe in the fresh air and read with the birds in the trees overhead.
I watched Fahrenheit 9/11 last night with the boys. It was a very powerful movie. I can't decide yet whether or not I liked it, but it definitely left an impression on me. The movie was wrought with emotion and it did succeed in making me dislike Bush even more. The way that it's doing at the box office, I wouldn't be surprised if this movie manages to convince people to go out and vote - and to vote against Bush.
All in all, I had a great time in Toronto - THANKS GREG! I got LOADS of sleep, and I got to eat all my favourite things. I had just a tad bit too much alcohol this weekend though... a little reckless there, but I was lucky that I was in the company of a bunch of incredibly responsible people =)
Ok... nap time now. Only an hour's worth of Zzz's before I have to head to Anthro.~

*Wedding*
The wedding was really nice. Kat's dress was REALLY beautiful. Her mother made her dress, and we were all impressed. The church ceremony was surprisingly fast... I thought it would be a really long and timely thing... apparently not. It was really cool, because the minister (Danny) was billingual in Korean and English and so simultaneously conducted the wedding in both languages. VERY cool. Kat's father was funny after Sam and Kat were pronounced man and wife - he gave a little speech and by accident, called Sam a "woman" instead of "man". He did it by accident, but everyone that knows Sam knows that... there is a "womanly" side of him... haha...
At the lunch reception, Greg and I sat down and were quickly surrounded by married couples with their babies... it was fun to have the babies around... one even tried to eat my silk-satin pink clutch bag, but it felt VERY weird to be around so much "grown-up-ness".
The dinner reception was well-planned. Kat looked stunning in all her dresses... and we sat with really nice people. I'm glad I didn't go alone and sit at the "singles" table... I think I definitely would've had a panic attack if that had happened.
Yeah... I did run into my ex's family (I know you're thinking that Sarah). Nothing happened. I greeted them, talked to them for a split second at the lunch reception and that was that. His mum looked Greg up and down several times though... quite amusing when that happened.
Greg's got loads of pictures and video clips from the wedding. I'll post them up as soon as I get back to New York.
So much love around... Makes me a little sad.
Will post more later. Greg and I need to go out and find FOOD. Ta.~

*S'all Good*
I'm in Toronto right now. The weather is PERFECT! Maybe a little on the chilly side, but it's nice and dry and warm in the sun...
I'm staying with a friend from undergrad. We didn't do much today, except that I had this craving for a rack of ribs, wings and a nice cold beer - and I got ALL of it today (Friday)... yay!
Hanging out with Greg in Toronto is really different from hanging with my sister and other friends here. We drove down to The Beaches today and just sat and watched the surf while I stuck my feet deep into the warm sand. I can't believe I've never been to The Beaches before today. It's so beautiful down there and so NOT the Toronto I know.
I noticed on the flight over this morning that you can tell the Canadians from the non-Canadians by the way they say "Toronto". Non-Canadians say: taw-ROHN-toe, whereas we Canadians say something like: TRON-o - It's almost a one-syllable thing... and really kind of annoying when you hear "taw-ROHN-toe" being repeated over and over in a tiny plane over the course of an hour.
Right... I "think" I'm ready for the wedding tomorrow. I'm so excited! I'm glad things are starting to get better and become more normal again. Only one week left before I head to Hong Kong and Thailand for the summer... There goes normalcy out the window...
Okie-dokie, time to dry my hair and go to bed. Hope everything's well out there!~

Mamoru's little girl - Rina. She's only a day old! Proud Papa Mamoru couldn't stop smiling all day... Yay! Congrats, Mamoru!~ 

*Oh my goodness*
I was wondering why the train took so long getting into the Columbus Circle (59th Street) station last night. I just found out that there was a shooting on the 1 train at 9pm last night at the 23rd Street stop. Had I agreed to go further downtown for dinner with Joy, her mum and her sister... I would've been on the train down there. Apparently, I had gotten into the same train where the shooting took place... just further up town.
Freaky.~

*Hurt*
I never want to feel like this again. It was so hard the last time, and it's not any easier this time. I'm not ever going to do this again. I can't. It hurts so much.~

*Vibe*
There's a lot of bad energy around me right now. I've had nothing but bad things happen to me in the last week. Perhaps the bad energy cycle is a 2 year cycle...
I'm tired and exhausted from everything. I just wish it would all go away.~

*Fairness*
The world is a just place... as I have unfortunately come to discover a couple days ago.
Typically, bad people seem to have good things happen to them all the time... or at least, they seem to get away with all the horrid things that they do.
And when you're perfect - physically blessed, intelligent, well-liked, articulate... the most horrible things can happen to you - things that are just beyond imaginable...
Anyways... I'm saddened by what I've learned. I now understand why bad things happen... it's to even out the blessings in our lives - a way of reminding us to appreciate goodness when it comes our way.
Gotta get back to work. I'll take whatever comes my way... I'm prepared for the worst.~

*Trembling*
I'm trembling right now - both out of anger and out of fear.
Anger, because of a situation that has arisen out of what was supposed to be a friend helping a friend. I know that there should NEVER be money issues between friends and I have stuck to that principle... but I broke my own principle this one time... and it's landed me in a LOT of anger and frustration. It's not really serious, just really annoying.
Fear, because I got an email from Chris today that seems like deja-vu. Whenever I see or hear "we need to talk"... especially when there's great distance between people... I get incredibly apprehensive.
Yes. I'm a nervous wreck at this moment. There's nothing much I can do about it right now.
I'm heading out to Astoria to see Lyssi now and say Happy Birthday to my girl. Only Lyssi can get me to leave my island...~

*DODGEBALL*
I got passes to an advanced screening of "Dodgeball" and I went last night with Joy (Amy, if only you were still in the city!).
The movie is SO GOOD! The storyline's incredibly original, and the whole movie was funny. There wasn't a single bad part at all! I DEFINITELY recommend y'all go see this movie! I think this movie's going to go down as a Ben Stiller classic... Just thinking about the movie makes me laugh. I think the movie oficially opens tomorrow... GO SEE IT!
My Road Trip project is currently in the works. So far, Rebekah and I are the only ones who are going for sure... We'll be driving up to Toronto next weekend... So for those of you in Toronto... See you soon!
Ok... I'm starvin'. Gotta get some food before heading to class. 'Til next time!~

*Insanity*
It's almost 3:30 in the morning. I'm sitting in front of my computer, sweating my 'what-nots' off in my sweltering hole of a room trying to get my bloody Anthropology paper due. I have 2 questions running through my head - "What possessed me to take a graduate course in Anthropology?", and "Am I insane for even THINKING about pursuing a Ph.D. program?"
Believe it or not, despite my constant b****ing and complainin' about study... I've come to realise that I'm not so bad at writing academic papers. It's true that I don't like to study, but somehow... I've managed to get through primary school, high school, university and 2 graduate schools. Hmmm... I must be doing SOMETHING right - God only knows what.
I'm looking into Doctoral programs. I know I'm insane for even thinking about it, but I feel strangely drawn to research in Language Acquisition. There's actually a REALLY good possibility that I will be moving back to Canada to pursue my Doctoral degree... at non-other than... the University of Toronto.
Toronto is no New York, but at least going to U of T means that I'll have guaranteed funding (full tuition PLUS extra) and a support network of family and friends. Toronto isn't really that bad... but I'm rather fond of New York now...
I think the thing that impresses me about the program I'm looking into is the faculty I'll be learning from (and maybe working with??) The roster is incredible - Swain, Lapkin, Gagne and SPADA! It's like SLA revisited! (I'm such a NERD!)
So yeah... the ball's started to roll... but I won't start until 2006... I need a break from THINKING for a while...
Right... gotta get back to my Anthro paper... Grrr...~

*Eeeeek*
What is supposed to be a 5 page BRIEF write-up on my little study has somehow become a 16-page mini dissertation (and it's still growing). Crap... how do you pare down 11+ pages?~

*Uh-Oh*
I have an assignment due tomorrow. It's not difficult, just a lot of thinking... and a bit of statistics too (yuck). After a lot of fiddling around with the numbers, I think I've got the numbers side of my little study sorted out. I just have to write it all up now...
Anyways... The problem with thinking is that I get carried away with the thinking. I start off just thinking about my research, then the implications... then I get carried away with too many other thoughts. More often than not, I start "reflecting"... and "reflecting" sometimes isn't good - especially when it leads me down the road of doubt.
It doesn't help that I'm listening to the "Love Actually" soundtrack. I'm hooked on the Joni Mitchell song. It's got me thinking back on what I've done and how far I've come. The doubt part in this, comes from remembering promises of the past - especially the one that promised "I will never do anything to hurt you". More specifically - "You are heavens more important than...myself". Makes me wonder what the HECK was going through that person's head. Actually, more importantly... what the HECK was going through MY head when I BELIEVED that?
Do I look at things from "both sides now"? I think growing up means doing just that. I still have lots of doubts - especially in myself, but I guess I should also learn to have faith.
Ironic... My present study is on "Noticing and Self-Repair". Ha. Pity that the Noticing and Self-Repair in my study is specifically in the production of speech utterances. I should look into doing a study in "Noticing a**holes and Self-Repairing a broken heart".
I'm not bitter... just full of doubt now about everything.~

*Change*

"Moons and Junes and ferris wheels,
The dizzy dancing way you feel,
When every fairy tale comes real,
I've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show,
You leave 'em laughing when you go.
And if you care, don't let them know,
Don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall;
I really don't know love at all."

- Both Sides Now, Joni Mitchell~

*Gone up in FLAMES*
Why? How? To TAMPA BAY?? It's never even COLD there!~

*What I Learned Today*
Here's a list of what I learned today:
1) The average person falls in love seven times before marriage (therefore, I should've been married at least 3 times by now).
2) 50% of people think more about money than sex (yeah, men are the other 50%).
3) I should always answer the phone - 6% of marriage proposals are made by phone.
4) Champagne corks cause more fatalities than poisonous spiders.
5) 85% of people killed by lightning are male (the only ones stupid enough to be outdoors during a thunderstorm).
6) I should start drinking coffee - 10,000 marriages a year are directly traceable to romances started on a coffee break.

Things that my Ivy-League-graduate-school-education didn't teach me. All the important survival stuff. But hey, how many of you can accurately draw a grammar tree with a non-restrictive relative clause?~

*Argh!*
*Gulp* I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I have lost all appetite for pretty designer things. I'm looking at all these Fall preview Gucci and Fendi bags, and I don't have any desire whatsoever to own one! It is such a strange feeling for me, since I've been a slave for fashion in my later years of High School. What the heck is wrong with me? I'm in Fashion Central USA, and I don't feel like carrying a pretty handbag around! I'd rather... read...
What is wrong with me? Is it just a phase??~